How I got pregnant? I know you're all a little too old for the birds and the bees story, so rest assured, that is not where I am going with this... I'll come back to this in a moment, but first...
With only a month left to go until my due date, I have had quite a few friends ask me: 'How are you feeling? Do you feel ready?'
When it comes to life-changing decisions such as changing a career or starting a family, I have always been a strong believer of "If we wait until we're ready, we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives".
However, as I got thinking about this, I realised that I have never felt more ready. Ok so my hospital bag is not yet packed (umm... I probably should get on with that!), but my mind and my body are shouting: 'We've Got This!’
Allow me to explain...
We had just moved to NYC from Singapore in February 2013 when I decided to get off the pill. Just to be clear, there were various reasons that contributed to this decision, but wanting to get pregnant was not yet one of them. One month passed, then two, three, six months and still no sight of my period. I decided to go see a doctor. The conclusion was to wait a full year then come back if still nothing. The length of time it takes a woman's body and hormones to readjust after quitting the pill is variable I was told. In any case, I wasn't too concerned and went about my life as per normal.
Fast forward to two years later, and I was still not bleeding. Ultrasounds and tests detected nothing was wrong. A few months later, in May 2015, I quit my investment banking job and soon after, we moved back to London, and I made my career change. My life had completely changed. I hustled to start teaching at yoga studios and gyms around London, and with that challenge came a feeling of joy and happiness. It all just felt right. I was starting this new journey and boy was I excited. I felt vibrant, my relationship with food was slowly but surely starting to mend and I felt that I was finally pursuing my dharma, my life's purpose.
I was busy and time flew by. And although this was almost three years ago now, there is one cold winter evening, the 17th December 2015 to be precise, that has engrained itself into my memory never to be forgotten. I felt my body come alive and somehow knew what was happening. After a quick trip to the bathroom, I went back to sit on the sofa. I did not speak (yes I often speak to myself) and just sat there in shock. Very soon after, my husband returned from work, came to sit next to me and asked me about my day. As I began uttering the words 'I just got my period', I immediately started to sob. I cried pure joy and above all complete relief. This may have been for me one of the biggest signs that I had not only made the right decision to change my life the way I did, but it was a necessary one. At the risk of sounding completely cheesy, I saved my own life. If I hadn't, who knows what my mental and physical health would look like now.
My story is another example of how important our mental health is to our physical health. Stress is one of the biggest killers of our society, and is responsible for most diseases out there.
All these years, I truly believe that the pill was only just masking the effects that stress and anxiety had on my body. Had I not taken my life into my own hands, the little creature living and growing inside me would never have existed. She is without a doubt my little miracle.
Yoga, meditation and a LOT of self-inquiry have taught me to love myself again. Along this journey, I have overcome body image issues and an eating disorder. I have learnt acceptance and to have faith in the process. I have learnt to soften into my strength, and have finally found balance between the two. I say this all the time but our minds are so incredibly powerful.
In the words of Ana Forrest: "Go on a quest. It's work. But do the work because OH MY GOD, your life will be so much richer".
I have of course no idea of the rollercoaster ride I am about to embark on, but one thing I do know, is that I have never felt more ready for it.
I'll keep you posted
Much love,
Nicole
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